1. |
Mind Yr Own
02:24
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It’s a whole new head, beat it up or tell it something new. She’s hardly hanging on, no reason to overkill or over-pursue. Just stick around through it all, man, or pour it all out like your soul in a hole, bleeding out early Japan.
I’m an emotional wreck, you can’t take it all back. Why don’t you mind your own, goddamn. Sorry I never call, it’s just alone is so much better off.
Growing up old alone, can’t even handle this. Broken, bored, and fearing poor and abandonment. I’ll settle on these four chords and your basement shows. The aching excuses, I’m fucking sick of it, I can’t even manage my own advantages.
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2. |
Pursuit
02:48
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Yeah you’re right, is that what you wanted to hear: a bad wick, a short trip, white noise couldn’t make it quit. Feeling up to it, wanted something more, couldn’t phase it in. Packing up the hours of anxious energy I never did anything with.
So much is riding on me not fucking up. Try to pack it all in. My pursuit, yeah it’s loss. Let’s pick up now right where it starts. My loose ends, my old friends, pick it up now right where it starts. An upside down apocalypse, bring you back to what you miss.
It’s alright, is that what I needed to say: to get out ahead without a thing to show for it. I’m losing it. Get it clean. I’m moss on trees, I’m brilliant green. Come around the corner bathed in light. Invert the ending, make it right.
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3. |
Weird Florida
02:20
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Does it matter if I tried my level best? Is there a pattern to all the things we said? It doesn’t feel like anything, it’s fraying at the edge. Sleeping off the hunger, let it play out in my head.
I know that she won’t be picking up the fucking phone when I call from my car explaining why I’m not at home. It just got dumber, all summer. It just kept getting dumber.
She had a thing about the corner store. We had to go inside each time that we walked by all summer long. “She did a lot of acid,” it didn’t seem to help. I couldn’t concentrate on too much myself. I didn’t mean to stare, I didn’t want to talk. I said “I don’t feel great” and I then I nodded out.
You can tell them whatever you want to. It doesn’t matter. It can’t be that important. I’ll call you when I reach the Georgia border, but I’m never coming back to fucking Florida.
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4. |
Another Harsh Toyotathon
02:06
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Rain in the driveway, you’re going your way. I wanna dumb it down, strip the waste, or change the pace. I want you to feel what I can’t feel. I’d rather wonder than know what’s real. You’re an only child: what do you know about being replaced? Black Civic, voice memo, lost time, rewind. I just wanna do something right, without fucking it up the first time. Is it too much to ask to enjoy my life.
I think it’s time we try a different approach with this one before we develop a rhythm. You are leaving soon, going back to fucking Florida, and I haven’t said anything important.
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5. |
Enough Explaining
03:19
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So what, I’m drunk, analyzing Kerouac and Cormac—for what. Sure as hell took my time walking toward the setting sun. The smell of cigarettes and wine, part of me will always find. I never asked you anything, I only assumed you understood. I’m quiet sometimes. I’m not mad, I’m quiet sometimes. I’m quiet sometimes. I’m not sad, I’m quiet sometimes.
Pallets, some matches, and wet wood. Standing over miles of I guess I should. You’re the only thing I completely understood. I won’t admit it. Enough explaining. Just get on with it. I’m a piece of shit so I swallow slowly the pain that comes along with it. So what, I’m drunk.
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6. |
Poured Out
05:09
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Get out of your own head. Feeling bad ‘cause I don’t feel bad for smoking cigarettes in my car. Out of control or just out of my mind. Wish I didn’t have to go back to thinking this through. One last drink, one last hope. Get out alive or just get back home. I want to know if you’re alright, if you’re thinking about me. Chances are you never did. I don’t care, I’m fine with it. Man, I’m poured out.
Car in the parking lot. Let this one finish out. Another second out of your way. Don’t say you feel okay.
Get out of your own head. Stop feeling bad cause you don’t feel bad for saying you would quit when we both know you smell like cigarettes. Fill in the gaps, all the things that feel so goddamn permanent. Just know they’re not, you’re overthinking what will soon be lost or forgot. Man, I’m poured out.
I feel dumb, I feel drunk, I’ve got nothing going on. Just getting out of my head, got nothing left. Run away from yourself. I’ll admit, I’m out of touch. Just be the best you can be, man.
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7. |
Lake Erie Boys
03:23
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Come on out, I’ll pace the floors and measure each step of inching doubt or resistance strong enough to bend the bit of hope that you had left. Saw you laying on the ground, head buried in your hands, her words stretching from your mouth: “I don’t expect you to understand.”
Yeah it’s my car covered in snow, so I took the long way home. Wrap plastic bags around my feet. I want to see the things you see. The only sound, my steps in snow. I want to sing the songs you know. It’s dark and it’s cold. Where have you been? Oh baby, it’s over, I wanna be alone (this time).
Cop cars and long walks nowhere, just getting picked up off the floor. It’s in your heart, it’s in the places you can’t avoid. It’s in your heart, it’s in your head, it’s in the things you can’t afford. All the places you can’t avoid.
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8. |
Let It Ride
03:07
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It’s not in me to be subtle unless it shapes the narrative. Stay quiet, chaotic, or something in the middle, loose and sharp and tangled. I don’t know anything more intrusive than what the truth is. Excuses to keep it all routine: the same TV, trying to feel less insane.
My best I guess, “no excuses and no regrets.” Keep no record of wrong or the money I spent. Always waking up feeling out of time. Learn to give it a rest. Let it ride.
All the way to Buffalo, you were asking about the future. I want to be a cog in a massive machine that breaks and makes the whole thing useless—I’ll break.
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9. |
Soft
03:05
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Haven’t heard back in a while. I know you’re okay, I know you’re fine. Thoughts that buzz and hover like military helicopters. Tiny TV in a basement that’s all your own.
I swear I’m fine. This is how I always drive when I’m alone: one hand at noon and both eyes on my phone. Every time I look at the clock, I’ve lost another fucking month. When did I get so hard to love. If you find a way out, I will follow you. I know you, and you don’t wanna go alone.
It gets better if you keep going, it gets better if you go. It gets better if you keep going, it gets better if you don’t. So make your lists or just fuck around. It doesn’t matter, just be more soft. Get out of your head or go back to bed. It doesn’t matter, just be more soft. It doesn’t matter, man.
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10. |
Church Bells
02:52
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I feel like explaining whenever we hang out these days for not picking up when you call just to see if I’m feeling okay. I’m not hiding out, I’m just here in my house. I talk to my cats, they’re my actual friends. The church bells ring out on the hour and after the services end. And I don’t know the difference between what got lost or ruined and things that just feel different.
And I used to not feel tired. I mean, I used to never sleep. I used to smoke cigarettes, but I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore.
I got the tires stolen off my bike. I got the mail and I took my time. It’s the weekend, you should be having the time of your life. I’m not checking my accounts. I’m not backing down. I’m not holding out. I’m not waiting around anymore. Being loud doesn’t make you right. Being brave doesn’t mean a fight. When I’m quiet, I feel small. When I’m not making noise, I feel small.
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11. |
Riley
03:50
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I just don’t feel that I’m working that hard anymore. I’ve got dirty shirts piled high on my bedroom floor. Wax bleeding on my Baribeau record. Simple reckless solutions to simple problems. I don’t mind being ignored, but you’re going out of your way.
I’d be surprised if you remember my name, and I can’t stand the look on your face. I’ll try to be cool for your friends, sitting drunk and quiet on the bed.
Maybe I lost myself in the meantime. It’s all starting to crack. Shouldn’t I have just walked home instead. I can see the place where it starts to circle. Take the long way, the slow way home. Reconstructing broken pieces. Take the long way, the slow way home.
Come on just say it, come on just let me down. Come on just say it.
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12. |
Feel Something
05:20
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Wait, weren’t you the one who brought it out of me, so simple. The compassion taught, now divide it up. I want it all, can’t give it up. Don’t like what I’ve become, I don’t like that I can’t blame anyone.
The moment you feel inspired is the moment I feel something too.
No pressure, not even enough to push me back onto the path. No, nothing ever feels quite like it was built up inside your head. I’m not reaching, not even trying to find the edge I know that I can’t get. Wanna slip right out the other side. Wanted something enough, learning it wasn’t worth my time.
While we were relying on some energy, couldn’t you come over and just talk with me? Watching from the corner of your eye. There’s nothing like being alive. While we were relying on some synergy, couldn’t you come over and just talk with me? I can see it in the corner of your eye, that little point of light.
I’ve been loving you just the way that you want me to. You and me are gonna see this the whole way through. The people we used to be are gonna see us the whole way through.
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